What if....

"Tom McParland" (tommcparland) 12/22/2015 at 09:26 • Filed to: random thoughts, Parsh, 911 Safari, Porsche

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In some strange moment of clarity, going against all business sense, Porsche discontinued the Cayenne and Macan and said to customers “Oh you want to go off-road...we will only sell you a 911 Safari.”

...and this has been “random thoughts” with Tom McParland

CalzoneGolem > Tom McParland 12/22/2015 at 09:30

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They would go bankrupt. What they really need is a Panamera Safari.

OPPOsaurus WRX > Tom McParland 12/22/2015 at 09:31

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boners, boners everywhere

Tom McParland > CalzoneGolem 12/22/2015 at 09:32

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I agree...but

cazzyodo > Tom McParland 12/22/2015 at 09:35

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What if I bought rally lights for the FoST?*

*Legitimate thought from this morning’s commute.

EL_ULY > Tom McParland 12/22/2015 at 09:36

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Panamera Allroad

willkinton247 > Tom McParland 12/22/2015 at 09:37

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Honestly, I like the Macan and Cayenne. The Cayenne is pretty ugly, but they’re still really good C/SUVs.

Tom McParland > willkinton247 12/22/2015 at 09:39

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I don’t dispute that either are good SUVs, I actually like both of them. I was just fantasizing about Safari 911s.

Tom McParland > cazzyodo 12/22/2015 at 09:39

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You totally need rally lights on the FoST

CalzoneGolem > Tom McParland 12/22/2015 at 09:40

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Cash Rewards > Tom McParland 12/22/2015 at 09:45

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If they stopped selling the macan and cayenne, the number of them taken off road would not change: 0.

But yes, safari 911s need to be an option

Justin Hughes > Tom McParland 12/22/2015 at 09:46

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That would be awesome.

As a kid I had the pleasure of seeing a Rothmans 911 at a big Porsche meet in the town I lived in. Unfortunately, as a punk ass kid, I thought “What idiot would take their 911 off roading?” How little I knew. Only now do I appreciate what I saw.

Tom McParland > Cash Rewards 12/22/2015 at 09:49

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This is true on both counts.

Ash78, voting early and often > Tom McParland 12/22/2015 at 09:52

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Except this is based on the false premise that the Cayenne/Macan are intended for people to go off road.

But I am sort of a fan of the balls it takes for companies to say “Take it or leave it!” There’s too much bland, spineless product marketing out there.

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > Tom McParland 12/22/2015 at 09:55

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Oppo would explode, no one would buy one and then they’d go bankrupt.

Tom McParland > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. 12/22/2015 at 09:59

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All of this is fact.

gin-san - shitpost specialist > willkinton247 12/22/2015 at 10:16

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I think the Macan has good proportions. I find the Cayenne to be pretty big but it’s a damn sight better than what it was when it first came out (a 911 with a box instead of that sleek, sloping roof/back).

Wheelerguy > Tom McParland 12/22/2015 at 10:44

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Or, you know, just turn the Panamera into a full-on wagon and make the top trim a Safari RS?

This answers two needs: an SUV with off-road intentions and a wagon for those that don’t give two shits about off-roading.

Breakdown, with foldable bench seating optional across the board:

Panamera Q: manual-only fleet version with a 400-hp V8 and ordinary creature comforts.

Panamera S: Standard-issue Panamera with some bells and whistles. 475-hp V8, optional AWD and PDK.

Panamera GTS: Well-dressed but RWD only, with Sport Chrono & PCCB as standard, more colors, 545-hp V8, manual is optional.

Panamera Turbo: 600-hp twin-turbo V8, performance options, top-class Michelins, AWD.

Panamera Safari: prepped-up version (adjustable lift, tires, cage, reinforcing, tools), but with road-car comforts, twin-turbo, 510-hp V8, manual-actuated PDK with low-range optional.

Panamera Safari RS: hardcore raid-spec, barest of essentials, some more lift, beefier tires (but road tires are optional). 520-hp V8, and low-range as standard.

Did I Porsche well?

Porsche was my first word > Tom McParland 12/22/2015 at 12:17

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Would be a fantastic car. I always wonder why there are no outfits that produce such cars in a limited edition, OEM quality version.

Porsche was my first word > Wheelerguy 12/22/2015 at 12:19

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You did Porsche well. Just one thing to add. They make such wonderful F6 engines. Why don’t they fit in the Macan, Panamara or even the Cayenne instead of the shitty V6.

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > Tom McParland 12/22/2015 at 15:45

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They should still do it though. It'd be great.

dudr13 > Tom McParland 12/23/2015 at 19:08

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I’d be happy if they stopped selling everything and simply had the Porsche Classic division remake old models to purchase brand new (maybe with minor updates, like working A/C.)